wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
