hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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