omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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