and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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