Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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