i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
