You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
BRING THE BAGELS
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
