thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
