Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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