her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
