Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you never un-have a 4some
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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