I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
