is your mom at the bar?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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