When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
