All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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