I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
