o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
