I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
