Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
