Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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