If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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