I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
