Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize