this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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