I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
