Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
