and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!