Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?