I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing