it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS