You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
