I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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