I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize