You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
