I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
