I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i dont even know how to be here
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
