Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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