Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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