yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
