Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
