he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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