if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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