I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are we still banned from the library?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
