But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
