the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
