Your mouth is God's brothel.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize