I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
