he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
