I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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