Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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