Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
