Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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