i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
