No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
