put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Non-Jews are for practice
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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