how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
