I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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