Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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