i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize