just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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