Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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