I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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