So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
