I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
